Baby Loss Awareness Week — Rebecca’s Story
TW: Perinatal and infant loss.
Baby Loss Awareness Week is an opportunity to make sure that those impacted by pregnancy and baby loss are not forgotten.
Mum Rebecca has shared her experience of losing her daughter Thalia to raise awareness of baby loss and its impact. This is her story.
“It was my first pregnancy and I was 21 years old. After the initial shock of finding out I was pregnant, I was extremely excited and buying bits already. Unfortunately, at my 20-week anomaly scan, I remember the sonographer’s face and then the words ‘I am really sorry’.
“The next couple of days were a blur with various clinicians expressing their apologies to me. I felt sick and couldn’t stop the tears. I was desperate for someone to say there had been a mistake and that they were wrong.
“Instead, just 36 hours later I was being admitted to the maternity ward to start my labour and deliver my daughter. You lose track of time when you going through something like that but I remember being told my body had taken quickly to the medication I had been given to start my contractions.
“I remember feeling so scared knowing that the baby coming out of me was not going to be alive. How was she going to look, what was I supposed to do? Luckily, I had some amazing midwives who really cared for me and my partner and gave so much support. When I delivered Thalia, she was absolutely perfect.
“Everyone commented on how much hair she had already and she was a good size considering her gestation. The midwives dressed her for us and took lots of pictures of us with her as well as our family. That first night they really made sure that we had anything we needed and as much time with her, as well as a memory box with a yellow blanket which I still have today.”
After giving birth to her son in 2010 and inspired by the care she received during her pregnancies, Rebecca started on the journey to becoming a midwife, to help and support other women and birthing people.
“19 years on, the pain doesn’t go away and it’s still something I find difficult to talk about openly to those outside of family and close friends. At the time, talking of baby loss was a much bigger taboo and it felt hard to speak about the baby I had lost. I am so glad we have moved forward in discussing baby loss and recognising our babies who meant so much to us.
“I remember in my pack from the hospital, I had a film roll of all the pictures that the midwives had taken of us with Thalia, and there was a note I had to give in to the photo developing shop explaining the sensitivity of the pictures (almost like a warning be prepared for distressing images). Now, people feel comfortable to share their feelings and grief as well as pictures of their babies. Sharing my story now feels right and will probably help in that pain that I still feel.
“As for me now? Well Thalia may not have ever taken a breath on this earth, but she has had a massive impact on my life and the person that I am today. My experience made me want to be a midwife, thanks to the amazing care and support the midwives provided me. I had never thought about the role before, but seeing first-hand how much you can be there for someone in such devasting times really showed me the magnitude of the role.
“After a very anxious pregnancy with my son a few years later, and feeling emotionally ready to be that support to someone else, I started my journey to midwifery in 2010 and I feel privileged to be able to provide compassionate and emotional support to women and birthing people in both their happiest times as well in their saddest moments.”
We’d like to extend our thanks to Rebecca for allowing us to share this story and send love to everyone affected by pregnancy or baby loss.
